Must CONFORM?????

About half the mornings I take Anthony to school he makes it very clear he doesn't want to be there. He will let us know by refusing to go in the classroom, but I have found there are things we can do to help him with this transition on bad days. For one, Anthony has some sensory needs with the biggest one being the need to chew on things, he will put anything in his mouth and chew the heck out of it. When Anthony is the slightest on the edge I can see the physical need for him to have some relief. When he is on the edge usually wrestling with him will help him to recenter or when we can't wrestle he will chew. I try to let him chew on the drive to school knowing his teacher doesn't want the kids chewing in the classroom (most teachers accommodate this need), but there are some days Anthony needs more.

This morning on the drive to school Anthony seem to be having a great day, he was very cooperative and happy to be going to school. We entered the building without me holding his hand, he said "Good Morning" to the lunch lady we passed in the hall, he said "Good Morning" to his general ed kindergarten teacher from last year. As we approached his classroom he covered his eyes with his hands as he does every morning to play his morning game of "BOO", watching his teacher approach him Anthony said "BOO" and he laughed like he always does on a good day. I was getting ready to tell Anthony good-bye as she walked up to us, but instead of saying good-bye to Anthony I watched the teacher snap at Anthony "Go hang up your coat and put your backpack away! I am not playing your game with you no more!" I just stood there speechless! She then looked at me and said "You cannot come inside the classroom, you must stay outside the door! You just need to drop him at the door as we all agreed you & Don would do." I replied as she was moving me outside the door "We have done it your way and it doesn't work! He has bad days." By this time the teacher and I were walking down the hall as she told me that we must not enter the room for the sake of Anthony and again I told her that I have done it her way (started last year) and it's not working. She said "Anthony needs to learn to come into the school like all the other children. Him playing "BOO" is not okay." I asked her "Why not, isn't it okay for him to have his own little game with certain teachers?" She said "No, none of the other children do it!" I said "So you are saying Anthony has to be like all the other kids? He can't be himself!" She said "He needs to learn he can't play "Boo" all his life." At that point I had enough, as my heart was in my throat and the tears wanted to flood out of my eyes. Why can't he be himself? Why must he conform? I wanted to yell at her, HE IS A LITTLE BOY WHO IS NOT EVEN 7 YEARS OLD, LET HIM BE THE PERSON HE WANTS TO BE!!!! I didn't yell at her, but what I did do was tell her, "I am too tired and emotional right now to discuss this any further with you. I disagree with you on this one and we will talk about this more later!" I walked off, went to my car and just bawled. I wanted to go back into that building and take my son out of there, but I knew Anthony didn't deserve that so I drove home.

Once at home I thought things over as I started to second guess myself. Should Anthony not be allowed to play "BOO" with his teachers? No is my answer, he is going to be 7 years old next month, in the 1st grade, but has a developmental age of a 4 year old and just like his sisters at this age, Anthony deserves the freedom to explore his world, develop individual relationship with each person involved in his life and learn all he can, he deserves to be nurtured as he learns to be an independent thinker. Just like his sisters Anthony needs to be taught boundaries, but he also deserves respect. Today, I did not see respect from his teacher to Anthony or to me, nor did I see her be very nurturing to him, but instead she did a 180 degree turn on both of us without any warning. Holy crap, no wonder he has some bad days! Got me thinking is she like that in the class when the kids least expect it? I have questioned some of my interactions with this teacher, but today is the first time I am saw very clearly this teacher wants things her way, regardless of the child's needs to succeed. I don't know what to think at this point.....maybe she is just having a bad day or she really feels all it's best for Anthony to enter the room her way? My question then "Isn't there are better way to make changes or aren't there bigger issues we should look at?" UGH......I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK!

Today, my son and I did not get to give each a hug and kiss Good-bye, but instead I was removed from his room. His teacher and I do not see eye to eye on this (haven't on a few things I've let go). I am a firm believer in, children need to be given the room to be their own person, independent, respectful, creative, and they can be all these things and still be cooperative, respectful and held accountable. All my other children have been raised this way at home and in their schools, but why can't Anthony have this? Is this because he is in Special Ed? Is it because he is in public schools (all my children attend Catholic)? Sorry if my questions offend anyone, but these are the questions I've been internalizing for some time now.

I will be calling a meeting with my husband, teacher and the Special Ed Admin. person with hopes we can come up with a plan that will be in the best interest of "Anthony to be successful in school." If it comes down to it, I will hire a Behavior Specialist to spend some time in the classroom to write up a plan. I know a really good one in Spokane, but would like to save that as a last resort. Will keep you posted.